


Drowning On Dry Land

by JotunPrincess



Series: The Drowning Verse [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alcoholic Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Angst, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Gets Therapy, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Needs Therapy, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Whump, Booker/joe/nicky if you squint, Depressed Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Everyone Needs Therapy, F/F, Good Quynh | Noriko, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, OT3, Past Character Death, Quynh | Noriko Needs a Hug, Reunions, Team as Family, Temporary Amnesia, What Was I Thinking?, Whump, i dont know what i'm doing, no beta we die like men, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29260671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotunPrincess/pseuds/JotunPrincess
Summary: Joe finally chimed in, "If he doesn't remember the last 20 years, how do we explain Nile?"At that moment Andy's eyes looked to the newcomer at her right, "Shit,"
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: The Drowning Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193159
Comments: 59
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

“Wheels up in 15,” Andy ordered.

“Wait, Andy, where are we going?” Nile asked, Joe and Nicky were already gathering their things.

“England, again. Copley called, we have to go get Book,”

“What?” Nicky asked. Out of the three of them, he had been the angriest about Booker’s betrayal, especially with what followed.

“Look we do not have time for this, I will explain on the way but we have to go,” 

The former priest nodded and helped pack their things. Before long they were on the road and heading towards the Austrian border.

The silence in the car was uncomfortable and heavy with unspoken questions. “I told Copley to keep tabs on Booker. Just to check in with him to make sure he didn’t actually get himself killed. He called and said Book arrived at his house demanding to know who he was, where we were. He doesn’t remember the last 20 years,”

Scoffing, Nicky rolled his eyes, “If he doesn’t remember the last twenty years then how did he find Copley?”

“If Copley has been the only person communicating with him any calls they have had would be logged in his phone. Booker probably traced it back to him and went there since he couldn’t find us,” Nile explained. 

Joe finally chimed in, "If he doesn't remember the last 20 years, how do we explain Nile?"

At that moment Andy's eyes looked to the new comer at her right, "Shit,"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Booker wakes up in an unfamiliar place.

Sebastian had traced the number back to an address in Surrey, it had been a while since they were in England. The others hated going there after what happened to Quynh, he didn’t blame them. Sebastian watched and waited before finally finding a point to break in. Searching through the house he finally made it up to the second floor and found a board with pictures, names, places all dating back to Andy but most of it from the last 150 years or so. 

“Booker,”

Turning around he trained the gun at the man that walked into the office space, “Are you Copley,”

The man looked confused as he held up his hands for the other to see that he was no threat. “Booker, what has gotten into you?”

“Answer the damn question, are you Copley?”

“Yes. Booker, what are you doing?”

“You don’t get to ask me shit. What is this? Where are they?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,”

“Yes, you do. I woke up in an alley and the only information I have to go by are phone calls from you. I cannot contact them so what did you do with them,”

TWO DAYS PRIOR

His head felt like it was splitting in two. Sebastian hated when they caught him in the back of the head, the pain lingered when he woke up. Opening his eyes the Frenchmen frowned, daylight, morning. This didn't feel right. They’d been on a recovery mission, something they always did under the cover of darkness. Sebastian took note of his clothing, it wasn’t any of his tactical gear. 

Getting to his feet he started to pat himself down, his gun was gone, his wallet too. Fuck. Turning around he took in the details of the alley. How long had he been here? When did he get here? Where was here? Moving to the end of the alley he saw it, his wallet discarded on the ground, money missing but an ID still present with his current address. Paris. 

Getting into the apartment he frowned as he looked around. He’d been living here recently and by the looks of it for a while, but couldn’t remember coming here? The last time he could think of being here was the early 90s.

Before the mission, Andy came and picked him up from Dubai. Why was he in Paris, how long had he been here?

That familiar post-death hunger was starting to gnaw at him. Searching the cabinets and fridge he found nothing that he could eat that was within date. Then he heard it. The sound of a phone ringing. He found it in the bedroom and the name on it reading as Copley. 

When it stopped Booker picked it up to check the call log, Copley had called him multiple times. Not just today but over the last week. Did he have something to do with this? 

After an hour he managed to find out more about him and collected what he needed to head out and see him. Did he know where the others were?

\--

Present-day-

He watched as the man pulled out his phone to call Andy. He heard her voice listened as Copley told her that Booker was here. Snatching the phone away from the man he spoke to Andy, "Are you alright, Boss?"

"I'm good,"

"Joe and Nicky,"

"Right here with me. Look Copley is a friend of ours, so don't hurt him. We're coming to you alright,"

“Yeah, I’ll see you when you get here Boss,” hanging up the phone he finally lowered the gun. Sitting down in the nearest chair his entire body sagged with relief. They were alright and once they got here they could get this all sorted out.

Copley noticed how Booker rubbed as if he had a headache. "Not that that is taken care of, Booker what date is it?" He realized the man didn't remember him but how much did he not remember. 

"June 2000. We were on mission, I don't remember what happened between then and when I woke up,"

"That's alright. There is a guest room you can stay in until the others get here. Should get some rest while you can I’m sure the last few days have been a lot on you.” 

Booker nodded and took to the guest room to sleep. 

Once he’d gone off Copley started to pull up and CCTV footage to see what might have happened and erase evidence that existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay now you actually have to wait a few days before the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finds out what happened to Booker, and come to a decision.

Booker was still fast asleep when Copley let them in. He could see Joe’s eyes searching the room, or looking for him, an unasked question.

“He’s still asleep in the guest room. I don’t think he got much since he woke up the other day. Here I have something to show you,” He waved for them to follow him to his office where he pulled up the feed he had saved for them. Gathering in his office they stood behind him watching as a screen appeared.   
  
They watched a familiar figure stumble down an empty street, the feed changes to a different angle. It was clear the three coming his way were looking for a fight. They make it hard for him not to bump into them. Shoving, pushing a few clumsy swings from the drunken man. They back him into the alley blocking their view. There is a quick flash, the boys scramble out of the alley, the footage fast forwards to the following morning when he comes out of it looking confused before taking off down the street.

“After he leaves the alley, Booker goes to his apartment. He stays there for a while, I assume trying to make sense of everything, and then comes to me. I usually call weekly to check on him, and I wasn’t getting a response on our usual day. Then he appeared here with a gun in my face. He thought I had something to do with why he couldn’t find you,”  
  
Andy sighed softly, “Damn it, Book,”   
  
“Boss?” they heard.   
  
Leaving the room Andy stepped out to where Booker could see her. For the first time in a long while, Sebastian did something he hadn't done in a while and that hugged her. He smiled at Nicky and Joe before his head tilted in confusion at the sight of Nile.   
  
“Who are you?”  
  
“Oh, I’m new. My name is Nile,”   
  
Before any more could be said Nicky suggested they all go into the kitchen. Conversations were better when had over food and they all needed a good meal. As they head downstairs to the kitchen Andy did notice how Booker rubbed at his head, it was something familiar to all of them with headshots. Just because they heal doesn't mean they stop hurting, but the pain should have stopped by now. Had he lost his immortality, was that why he couldn’t remember? Lykon had made it over well over 1500 years before he died. Producing a knife the former goddess grabbed his arm to turn it over before cutting a line across it. It healed instantly.   
  
“You’re still healing,”   
  
He knew that, otherwise he shouldn’t have woken up in the alley, right? “Yeah,”   
  
Joining the others in the kitchen Copley’s arms crossed over his chest, “What does that mean?”   
  
Nicky explained, “With head wounds, the brain has to grow back just like any part of us. We can get up while it is doing so and movements will be shaky, moments in memory will not be there, at least not right away. But missing whole gaps is not normal, especially not for this long,”   
  
Joe suddenly exclaimed, “Damn it,” He produced his wallet and forked over about a thousand euros, and pushed it in Booker’s direction.   
  
Collecting the money Booker shoved it into his pocket quickly.   
  
The curly-haired man then asked, “So you remember the bet?”   
  
“No,”   
  
“But you took the money,”   
  
“I’m smart enough to take the money and ask questions later, you know that. Now, what bet?” the blonde asked.   
  
“Was this bet like the baklava bet,” Nile questioned.  
  
“No, this one was more of a toss-up,” Joe explained. “Booker and I made a bet on his 200th immortal year. He bet that we would see a new one before his 300th, I said we wouldn’t see one until after his 500th. He won,”  
  
"And he didn't remember it and you just lost money on it. You could have kept it," Andy shook her head.   
  
Frowning Booker looked to Nile, they had a new one. He wonders how often the others ask about Quynh.   
  
Andy rolled her eyes and brought them back to the matter at hand. “Book, what’s the last thing you remember?”   
  
“Uh, recovery mission, you gave the order to get out once I finished setting up the explosives. I was on my way out and then,” he paused, “I was waking in the alley. I remember being in India before that,” Another rub at his head.   
  
Andy sighed.   
  
“Well, at least I know you didn’t forget me on purpose,” Nile jokes.   
  
It caused him a smile just a bit, “How could I forget a little sister? Least I’m not the youngest and someone,” his eyes went to Joe, “Can stop calling me baby brother,”   
  
“But you are,”   
  
“I’m nine years older than you,”   
  
\--   
  
Nile wanted to take advantage of Booker's current presence to talk to him and dragged him off once they cleared up from breakfast.  
  
Andy took Joe and Nicky outside to the balcony to talk to them. “I know we had an agreement. 100 years for what he did but we can’t leave him, not like this,"   
  
As angry as Nicky might be with Booker for what he did. Nicky begrudgingly agreed. Booker didn’t remember the last 20 years and that could prove dangerous if they left him alone and he wandered into the wrong area without supervision. “He comes home with us,”   
  
Joe, however, wondered if there was ever a way to change the last few years. After leaving Booker on the beach he could see how much this hurt him. After so many years it was like losing an arm almost. He wanted to call him more than once, to check on him. He didn't have his brother to complain about the game with. but after everything now he just wanted to find the tipping point that sent his best friend over the edge so much that he went to Copley to help seek it. That he was willing to do what he did to end it. Sure Booker had always been more reserved than they were, quiet and prone to depression since his family died.   
  
_You have always had each other. We’ve only ever had our grief._  
  
He’s been thinking about what he said for years. Had they not tried hard enough? He’d called him a coward.   
  
“What?” he looked up from his feet to Nicky who had spoken. “Have you lost your mind, Nicky, a doctor?”   
  
“No, but Booker has. Andy, we need to know why he doesn’t remember anything. All the medical information can do is tell us that he is healthy if they do not find anything wrong,” It was something the doctor at Merrick’s lab had found out.   
  
“But we don’t know and we need to know,” They’d been asking questions all day and it was clear that every so often he rubbed at his head or complained he felt like he had a headache of some kind.   
  
“He’s not drinking either, did you notice?”   
  
Looking at Joe Andy realized he was right. Booker was never careless enough to drink during a mission. After it didn’t matter but now that he had found them and knew that Copley was a friend there was no reason he couldn’t. But Booker hadn’t, usually by now he would have started up again.   
  
“Give it time,” Nicky huffed, there was still some resentment towards him.  
  
“So what do we do now?”   
  
“We’re jumping too far ahead. For right now, if all he has is a headache and memory loss we’ll leave it at that. We need to get somewhere we can stay for a while. From there, we’ll figure it out. Give it a little while and maybe it'll come back.  
  
\--   
  
“So now that we’re all back together again, can you tell me about your first death? All you told me before was that you died fighting for Napoleon. I’ve had the chance to listen to Joe and Nicky’s stories, I’d like to hear yours,”   
  
“I’ll tell you if you tell me where you came from, I don’t remember you,”   
  
Shit, shit, shit.   
  
“You guys were on a mission in 2020 when I had my first death. I was a Marine on active combat duty. Andy picked me up. Because of the mission you had, it was decided we’d split up for a few months. I went with Andy, you went to Paris, and Copley found out about us after you guys worked a mission for him years ago. He’s a friend that helps and cleans up after us. We were laying low and Copley was our go-between until everything blew over,”   
  
That should be enough for now. “Now your story, tell me,”   
  
“Are you sure? It’s not pretty,” Sebastian warned as Joe, Andy, and Nicky came into the room to join them.  
  
“He’s right, it’s not pretty, he bit Nicky,”   
  
Andy smiled as she settled into a seat with the boys getting comfortable as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in less than a week and I'm already working on chapter six. I really love this idea so we'll see what happens. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter gets heavy as it brings up past deaths.

Wake up, march, camp.  
Wake up, march, camp.  
Wake up, march, camp.  
Wake up, march, camp.  
Wake up, march, camp.  
Wake up, march, camp.  
Wake up, march, camp.  
Wake up, march, camp.

It was the same thing every day until it became wake up, march, camp, bury another.

Wake up, march, camp, bury another.  
Wake up, march, camp, bury another.  
Wake up, march, camp, bury another.  
Wake up, march, camp, bury another.  
Wake up, march, camp, bury another.  
Wake up, march, camp, bury another.  
Wake up, march, camp, bury another.

The deeper into Russia they went the colder it got, the less food they had, the more men they lost to hunger or freezing to death they were never sure. Then it finally happened, Sebastian woke up to a frozen friend. The ground was so hard they didn’t even bury the dead, they were left to elements. When the troop stopped that night he could hear a few of the others talking about deserting. He wanted to see his boys again, hold his wife in his arms, and die an old man in his bed, not in this frozen wasteland. This was not what he had in mind for his life.

He joined their conversation: they would desert the grande army and trek back home. When they started to sneak out of camp Sebastian had one thought in mind: Please God, let me see my family again. He’d been chanting it to himself the moment they left camp.

They’d been captured by dawn and dragged back. They didn’t have the energy, it had been days since they’d eaten, the recent snowfall slowed their pace. The rope was fit around their necks and one by one the crates were kicked from under their feet. The small mercy was his neck snapped the first time. 

/A woman with dark hair, dressed as a man, wielding a double-headed ax. He’d only ever seen weapons like that on suits of armor. Two men, one with eyes like his own and a longsword in his arms. He moved in sync with another man of darker complexion and curly hair. There was one more, another woman screamed, she felt anger, and loneliness and crazy./

Sebastian heard them before he saw them. The Grand Army was still there. Sebastian couldn’t give away that he wasn’t dead. Sebastian died again, and again, and again, and again, and again. He felt like the drowning woman. Like he was crazy.

The army finally moved on after three days, he didn’t have the energy and died again. Sebastian felt it, the pain of something poking him in the face. A crow. With a growl and will of strength, he snapped its neck before biting into it. 

Waking up on the ground, his coat was gone, his boots were gone. What use did a dead man have for these things? Another crow, and one more for good measure. Sebastian found the strength to get up and walk. 

Sebastian walked, died, dreamed, and lived again. Every time it was the same thing over and over. The drowning woman never changed but the three others. Sebastian could see them fighting, laughing, sleeping. He woke up gasping for air, catching his breath Sebastian got up and kept walking until he felt like his feet couldn’t take anymore and he died again. This was a cruel joke, a curse. He’d begged his God for the chance to go home and it had been granted, now he cannot stay dead and demons were hunting him down. Would they put him into the sea like the woman or would they cut him down with their blades?

That’s where they found him, half-frozen on the ground as he came back from another death. A hand reached for his face, Sebastian bit it causing the owner of it to cry out in pain as he drew blood before it was ripped away. The woman laughed. Stumbling to his feet Sebastian was going down just as quickly as he had gotten up. 

Sebastian woke up sometime late, long enough to notice that he was warm for the first time in weeks. The pangs of hunger were absent. He sank into again, he didn’t dream, not even of the drowning woman. It was quiet until it wasn’t, he was drowning again, Sebastian gasped into wakefulness. As he caught his breath the blond became aware of the two warm bodies on each side of him. Of the silhouette of another by the fire. He'd startled all of them.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” The figure said as they got up from the chair by the fire.

“What’s happening to me?”

She had answers, he didn’t like them. Sebastian wanted to go home, he was going home, his boys and wife needed him. Andy protested the request at first until he told her that he was only here because he begged God for it. They brought him home, watched from the trees as three boys and a brunette haired woman came from the cottage to tackle him as they welcomed him back. 

Every few years they would appear. Not all at once but one of them, they take turns. When they do come they talk for a little, get to know him, and vice versa. They all ask about the drowning woman. Nothing ever changes about her. Sebastian lives, he raises his boys to men, his wife dies, the drinking started but he pushes on, it doesn't consume him yet. His eldest is lost to a fever. The second in an accident on his job. Cancer takes his third and before that son drew his final breath he cured him the ‘gift’ his father refused to share. Nicolas called it a gift but all it was proving to be was a curse. He’d asked for it and God was laughing in his face. 

When he finally goes to them, Andrea asks about the drowning woman again. Sebastian lies for the first time and tells them he doesn’t dream of her much anymore. That the dreams faded away. He could see how it hurt them when he told them she was still alive, dying over and over. They miss her, they regret what happened to her, and he feels guilty because he cannot change it. Sebastian cannot deliver them better news and sees in their eyes how it breaks them more.

Jean-Pierre’s words ring in his head: what use are you if you cannot help?

They drown together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an idea about Booker and where he lies in how grief and whatnot so stick around for more. 
> 
> Thank you for continuing to read.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe spends a little time with a friend.

They settle at one of Andy’s few modern homes, this one in Crete. For the most part, things settled down in the house and it was almost like old times, except something seemed off. Something more than usual and the new string of strange nightmares weren’t helping either. 

It wasn't Quynh it was this new one. 

/Andy strapped to a bed, a bleeding wound at her side and tears in her eyes. Joe and Nicky strapped down too, both spotted with dry blood. Joe shouting at him. When he tried to reach for them Booker found himself strapped down to a similar table./

Sebastian wakes up every time and gets right out of bed to start moving around. 

Why the fuck was he having that as a nightmare? He’d never seen anything like that and they’ve never all been captured. 

Pushing a hand through his hair the blonde settled on having a shower. Pushing on a shirt Booker went downstairs to the first level, taking in the sight and sound of everything. The sketchbook and pencils on the table. Nicky’s current book. A pile of weapons by the door. A tablet. The soft hum of the fridge in the kitchen. Selecting a book from the shelf Sebastian turned on the patio light and settled down in the garden to read.

Andy found him there in the morning, the sun just started to creep into the yard. 

“Book,”

Lurching upright his eyes settled on her, “What’s up, Boss,”

“Have you been out here all night?” Andy was trying to do better. She’d meant what she said in the lab even if Booker couldn’t remember. They’ve been doing a shit job and they needed to pull it together. 

“No, just came out here to read since the air felt nice, dozed off after,”

Getting to her feet the Scythian waved for him to follow, “Nicky’s got breakfast ready,” What she needed to say would be better once they’d had the chance to eat.

As they started to come to the end of their meal Andy spoke up, “You need to see a doctor,”

Booker gaped at her, “We don’t do doctors boss,”

“No we don’t, but you still don’t remember anything and you’re complaining that your head still hurts,”

“I doubt drinking is helping much,” snarked Nicky.

“Nicky, take a walk,” Andy ordered. The Italian did just that bidding Nile to come with him so they could take a trip to the market. 

Nicky hadn’t been his kindest when it came to Booker’s return. Not when Joe would still wake from nightmares. When Booker had wanted to die so much he was willing to achieve it by bringing all of them down. 

The look in Nicky’s eyes Sebastian felt like he’d seen it before. He keeps seeing a rocky beach Nicky glaring at him, jaw clenched. 

“I’ll call Copley to see what he can do for us. At the very least we’ll see if x-rays can be done to see what’s going on,”

Agreeing Booker helped clear up the table and mess made. 

\--

/He stood on the shore of a rocky beach, Looking at the landmarks around he could see it was the Thames. He watched Andy walk away to join the others on the stares. Joe, Nicky, and the new one, Nile. Nicky looked like he was glaring at him. Joe looked back to nod at him before they disappeared./

Waking up Sebastian sighed as he looked at the clock. He managed a whole two hours more of sleep for himself. Getting up he decided to get ready for the day and go see a man about a motorcycle. 

Getting to the front room he noticed the others sitting on the couch. 

Joe asked, “Where are you off to,”

“Just out for a little while,”

He didn’t notice the way the man pulled himself away from his husband to start pulling on his shoes, “I’m going with you,”

“You don’t have to, it’s not going to interest you,” Little he ever did seemed to interest Joe or Nicky.

Joe nudged him either way, “Still going with you. Alright, no complaints though, I warned you,”

Heading out in the world Joe started to make his way to the car but Booker went past it and kept walking, “I’m not going to need it to get back,” 

He would do this his brother’s way. Little was said over the course of the house that they walked before coming to a mechanic's garage. 

“You’re buying a car?”

“You know I’m not a fan of driving cars. I tolerate them at best, here for a motorcycle,”

Joe let go of an exasperated groan. “Really, Booker, do you think someone of your age should be driving around on one of those crotch rockets?”

Scoffing the blonde turned to him before opening the door, “Then you don’t know me if you think that’s what I’m coming for,”

It caused the Tunisian to pause, he didn’t know him. Not if this was something that he could not nail down about him. Following the path of the other, he went inside and could see him speaking to a man. He didn’t follow much of the conversation as his eyes were busy taking in the sight of everything else in the showroom. 

“Joe,” following the sound of his name he followed to where he was waved over to. Booker had a pleased smile on his face at the bike he was looking at. Joe had seen few like it but could remember them from the time of the second great war. 

“This is the kind of motorcycle I like. 1942 Indian, was my favorite. This one is a newer version of it but done up to look like the old one. I’ve been missing having one,” 

Once the final paperwork was signed Joe followed Booker out as he wheeled the bike to the road. 

“Now what?”

“Now what is that I have a bike and we’re in Greece we’ll ride around for a little while,” He watched as Booker rubbed at his forehead. It was something of a constant since they got him back. Something they were all chalked up to whatever was causing his memory loss. 

“Are you sure you should drive if your head is hurting?”

“It’s nothing to worry about. I made it this far and drove myself to Copley’s when I first woke up,”

Not wanting to argue it Joe got on anyway holding on lightly as they drove off. It was actually nice to feel the soft breeze on his skin. When they finally came to a street market area Booker parked. 

“This is what you do when you go off somewhere?”

“Hm, sometimes,” 

Booker had a tendency to wander around aimlessly at times. He’d go to bookstores and start reading for hours without realizing time had passed. “Don’t get distracted at a booth too much, we don’t have a lot of room to bring anything home on the bike,” The younger man warned before he disappeared into a small book shop.

Following Booker inside, he watched as the man poked around the used bookstore collecting some of the oldest looking books. While there Joe picked a few for Nicky knowing his love enjoyed the written word. He didn’t ask any questions once Booker narrowed it down to five old dusty leather-bound books. 

“Those books are probably so faded,”

“No more than most. I’m going to take them home to restore them and add the titles to my collection,”

“Now I know why you always seem to smell like leather when you meet up with us,” 

With purchases in hand, they wander the street. Finding some things to bring back with them food-wise as well as some baklava for Andy. Once it was packed away into one of the bags on the bike Joe sighed, “No bets tonight over the baklava,”

“Hey, Nicky starts it. Not my fault Andy beats it every time. But tonight is too easy for her to guess, so we shall stick with what I picked up,” Once they were settled He took them home. So far Joe had found out little but it was more than what he started with. It wasn’t a bad day to be out really. 

“What other hobbies do you have?”

“Art restoration about 30 years ago. Other than that just other little things to fill the time,”

Getting home, Joe found Nicky tucked away in their room having a nap. Joining him on the bed, the movements woke the light sleeper. “Did you enjoy your time out?” the sleep roughened voice asked.

“I think so,” Joe was realizing how much about their brother they did not know. “Do you know when we last called him by his name? By his actual name?”

Frowning, Nicky sat up to regard his love with a curious look. “What’s bringing this all on?”

“Booker does art restoration, he also binds old books to add to his collection and has a love for vintage motorcycles. In the short time, I spent with him I have learned more about him than I have known. We were so quick to let him simply be by himself and little things like soccer were merely a tip of the iceberg,” He felt guilty for not pushing harder.

There was a whole person Joe thought he knew and yet he didn’t. He felt just as responsible for Booker’s spiral as the man himself. 

“Yusef, dwelling on it won’t fix it,”

Joe’s brown eyes met Nicky’s green ones, “But did you know those things about him? I feel like we know more about Nile than we do the man who has been fighting at our side for the last 2 centuries,”

“That was his choice not to confide in us,”

“No, we should have tried harder. He’s never been easy Nicky, you know that. But we didn’t try because it was easier. We took the easy route,” 

“So did he when he didn’t tell us how he was feeling,” The Genoan argued. 

“Did we ever make him feel like he could tell us?” he questioned. “I know you’re still angry at him for what happened,”

“You’re damn right I’m still angry. For two days we watched each other die. You still have nightmares, I still have nightmares. Andy only finally got full mobility back after a few months and the part that hurts right now is that he’s sitting there thinking nothing's wrong because he doesn’t remember and we have to pretend that what happened, didn’t,”

Nicky’s anger always festered, while his own always burned bright and quick and faded. He stopped being angry months ago. But it was when he stopped being angry he started to question everything. To think of where it went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't really anything to write about from the time they left Copley's to getting to the house in Greece so I just grazed over it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nile learns a hard truth.

The following day Nile took notice that Nicky and Joe weren’t being their usual selves. Booker was nowhere in sight so she could ask him. Andy had settled onto the couch with a book in her lap. 

“What’s up with those two?”

“Lovers quarrel. They get like this sometimes, let them work it out on their own,” 

Nile looked back to see how the two ignored each other while still working together. She wondered how often they actually had these spats. In the six months with them so far, she’d seen them disagree on maybe a handful of things which usually ended up being what to have for breakfast or dinner if they didn’t take into account what Nile or Andy may have wanted. 

“No couple is perfect. By nightfall, they will be fine,”

They were not fine by nightfall. Still sniping at each other a bit by the time they went up to bed and the following morning. That afternoon though they did invite Nile out on a trip to the market she declined claiming she’d keep an eye on Andy. The Scythian smirked knowing Nile was less checking up on her and more so looking to talk to the one immortal she knew little about. 

Since arriving in Greece Nile had taken the chance to watch Booker. To pick up on the little things he did. Of course, he did his part of the chores around the house or any shopping if asked but she saw how he only seemed to be there about half the time. That he was in the room but in his head or asleep. Or if he even slept that much considering he always looked tired. Every so often she could catch him clicking away on his ancient laptop. She’d watched him stare at a page in his book for ten minutes before Sebastian finally gave up reading it. Some meals he ate the whole thing other times he picked or forewent eating altogether. Booker was going through the motions, but Nile could see the classic signs, depression. 

“Hey Booker,” Nile joined him out on the patio where he was reading a book. Andy was inside taking a nap, while Joe and Nicky were out. If there was ever a time to ask this question it was now. 

Looking up from his book he smiled softly, “What can I do for you, Nile?”

“I wanted to talk you about a few things,”

Putting his book down he sat up, “Of course, I’ll do the best I can to guide you in the right direction,” 

“How is it you remember your family so well? That you still remember so much about everything from before?”

“After they took me home one of them would always stop by every so often. Stay for a little while and talk. When I noticed my wife starting to go grey I asked Nicky if he remembered his family. He said it was harder to remember them now and that time steals everything. I started writing everything down that I wanted to remember. I have it tucked away somewhere. Well a few of them just in case, I didn’t want to forget, don’t have the same benefit as you to have pictures. Thought Joe once drew them all for me. Ended up burnt up during the bombings,”

“How long did it take for the dreams of Quynh to fade?”

With a heavy sigh, Sebastian offered Nile the extra seat. This was something he’d kept to himself for so long. Once she'd settled down he forced his eyes to meet hers, "They never fade, Nile. Until you meet Quynh you'll always have them,"

"What?"

He continued, “Some nights you may be so exhausted from a death or from a mission that you won’t dream,”

Nile felt as if the world fell from under her feet. Booker felt like he’d hurt her too. “But...b...but Joe told me that you said they started to fade after a while,”

“It’s a lie I’ve been telling them since I joined up after my last son died. After they got me home one of them would stop by every few years, check in on me. They would ask about Quynh and I would tell them nothing changed. It was always the same. I could see how much it hurt them to know she was still drowning, after all, that time,” he rubbed at his head. “Andy’s looked for years on and off, even I’ve tried looking even if it was for my own selfish reasons,”

They sat in silence for a moment before the young immortal spoke up, “Every time I wake up after dreaming about her I feel like I’m drowning and can’t catch my breath,” The realization hit her then, but this time Sebastian didn’t meet her eyes. “You’ve been drowning for 200 years,” On top of grieving. No wonder he was so miserable and drank. Why Booker told her not to go back to her family. It would hurt less. Why the others tried to include her as much as they could. They were trying to avoid a Booker repeat. 

“That about sums it up,” he agreed.

“It’s not fair!” She shouted. It wasn’t just for her but for them, all three of them.

Booker didn’t need to tell Nile that life wasn’t fair; Nile knew that already. Nile knew that when war took her father. When this life took away her friends and family even if it gave her a new one it was not the same as the one she’d had and grown with. This was sparing her part of that heartache. 

\--

By the time Andy woke up Nicky and Joe had returned and Nile had calmed down from her earlier conversation with Booker. 

“Copley called, he found a doctor who is going to meet with us. We all go together,”

He thought of the lab. The tables and them all strapped down with no way out. 

“No, not all of us, just I and one other,” protested Booker.

“We all need to know what’s going on,”

“We can tell you what they say when we come back. Just there is no reason for all of us to go,”

“I’ll go,” Joe volunteered. “We go, do whatever tests and be right back out. He’s right, if he’s the only one that needs to be seen all of us going would only look odd,” 

“Fine, be there by six, go around to the back door. You’re looking for a Delia Chloros, got it?”

When it came time to leave Booker made sure he had his gun on him and at least one knife. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Yusef nodded, “Of course I do, wouldn’t let you walk into something like this alone. Now give me the keys,”

“Fuck that I want to make it there alive,” 

They arrived early, waiting at the back door until exactly to knock. A small young woman about the same age as Nile opened it. “Mr. Gardener?”

Once they confirmed it she let them both in. “Alright, we can do the test here, but we do not have the resources in the office to give you the answers right away. So we’re sending them off to another hospital that will print it up for us and send it back. Should only take a few days we will call with the results,” All the while she led them into an exam room giving the blonde a change of clothes letting him know to remove any jewelry or devices. 

Doing as he was told Sebastian passed Joe his clothing and Glock to keep safe. “Really you brought a weapon with you?”

“Hey, you never know with these things. Shit always has a way of going left,” Once in the paper gown he was able to climb into the machine. His mind wandering to the thoughts of his dream regarding the lab he sees them in. Of all the things to remember, why did he remember something so unsettling?

“Alright Mr. Gardener, all done. Best patient I ever had in there, they usually start getting antsy after five minutes. You can go ahead and get changed, I’ll meet you back at the end of the hall once you’re done,” 

Once he got back to Joe and dressed he finally turned to him, “Did I do something to Nicky?”

The muscle in Joe’s jaw twitched. “What do you mean?”

“Just, he’s been avoiding me. Hardly speaks to me, barely stays in the same room unless you, Andy or Nile at there or it’s time to eat,”

“Don’t worry about Nicky. You know how he gets when he’s upset. Probably that bet you had right before our last mission before you forgot your memory. He lost a lot of money,” There was a smile but it didn’t reach Joe’s eyes. He knew enough to notice that. 

“Maybe you’re right,” 

Once dressed and his weapon tucked away they met Delia by the back door. “I should be giving you a call by the end of the week with the results. If I cannot contact you I will reach out to the contact that called me to start. Have a good evening,” She nodded to them. 

Slipping out the door both men looked around prepared to fight whatever tried to jump out at them. Looking towards the sky, Joe’s voice interrupted his train of thought. 

“What?”

“I said lovely night, isn’t it Sebastian,”

Sebastian, the first time in a long time he’s heard his name. “You used my name,” 

“Someone should. When was the last time you heard it?”

“Been a while,” He showed up as Le Livre, soon after he became Booker, even though he settled into being friends with them he still ended up just being Booker for most of his life. No one ever said it right, or rather the voices that spoke it when he did feel like taking a partner for the night said it right, never sounded right. Though at this moment he didn't mind hearing it from Joe, wouldn’t mind hearing it from him more often.

“Forgot what it sounded like,”

“Maybe,” Of course he’d heard that name, but not said to him. 

Joe watched the reaction Booker was having to hearing the sound of his own name again. Did he always look that tired?

\--

Nile found Andy after the boys left to talk to her. Booker had asked that she not tell them about his dreams of Quynh once she’d had a chance to calm down. But now that she knew his secret and figured out what was wrong with him. 

“Hey, Andy?”

“Yeah,”

“What are you going to do if Book gets his memory back?”

“That’s not something I can decide by myself. The agreement was 100 years it was only six months,”

The young immortal looked outraged, “So you’re really going to send him back to suffer the last 99 years? Andy he doesn’t need to be alone he needs to be with us. He’s depressed and I’m sure we were watching the same damn video of him drunk off his ass.”

“We were never going to make him stay away the full 100 years,”

“What?”

“He said he felt alone, sending him away gives us time to heal and him time to really feel like he’s alone,”

“Which is fucking stupid. Of course, he feels alone, that's what depression does to you. Makes you feel like no one is there. The signs are textbook,”

“Look we never said anything about the way we do things is perfect. But we need to take this one step at a time starting with finding out why Booker doesn’t remember anything. We have to take this one step at a time,”

“Fine, but take into account what I said.”

“I will,”

When the pair finally returned home three pairs of eyes settled on them. “We’ll hear back in a few days,” Booker confirmed, but he could tell the eyes then went to Joe as well who only confirmed that it would take a bit of time.


	7. Chapter 7

“Is Nicky angry with me?” Booker asked the following day.

Looking up from his sketchbook Joe could see where Booker’s eyes followed Nicky’s form in the kitchen from where they sat on the patio.

He should have known it was going to come about soon enough. “Don’t worry about it,”

“Don’t do that. Half the time he looks at me like he’d rather shoot me between the eyes. Look right now I don’t remember much and it seems like the longer I don’t remember the weirder this one dream I have gets,”

“Dream?”

“After we got here, I started having this dream, it’s in bits and pieces, I can’t tell what any of us are saying. But I know we’re in a lab. Then I remember standing on the shore of the Thames. I can’t make sense of why. But I know when I’m on the Thames Nicky is just glaring at me,”

“Sebastian it’s just a dream,”

There he went again using his given name instead of his nickname. “And now you keep using my name, I think this is the most time we’ve spent together in a while,” Something was wrong and he could feel it,”

“Look the last few years we started to do some things differently, but you don’t remember it, because you still think it’s 2000,”

“I know it’s not 2000,”

“Sure?”

The time still messed with him. He knew it wasn’t 2000 but the rest of him hadn’t caught up yet.

Nicky sent them out to get some items for him to make dinner that night and Joe took a chance to ask a question that had been plaguing him since Booker told him that they always had each other. “Do you hate us?”

“What?” Booker’s expression took on the features of confusion. 

“Nicky and I. Do you hate us, hate that we have each other?”

Booker was silent for a moment, choosing his words carefully before speaking, “I could never hate you. Any of you, I love you both dearly,” In more ways than one, he thought. “I envy you. You have each other, you’re the greatest untold love affair,” He complimented. He’d had his wife and loved her from the moment he saw her, he would always have a love for her. But Sebastian sometimes found himself wanting to be on the receiving of those kisses Nicky and Joe bestowed upon each other. To be the one doing the reading while they sat in the shade of a tree. To be pulled out of his thoughts for the chance to dance to a tune only they knew. 

If Joe didn’t know any better he could have sworn he saw a look of want in those eyes, of yearning and sadness.

\--

Later that night when the couple settled in for bed Joe’s eyes were fixed on the bedspread as he thought to his conversation with Booker. He loves them, envies them. From the outside looking in. His eyes settled on Nicky’s form as he moved around the room to get settled for the night.

“You know I can feel you staring,”

“I would be worried if you didn’t. When are we going to talk about this?”

“When I am good and ready. Right now I’m tolerating him being in the house. I thought I could handle it and I can’t. I want to inflict the same pain on him that he did us. I watched you die too many times. Watched her carve you up bit by bit. Booker stabbed us in the back all in his selfish quest for death. He was unhappy with living that did not mean that we were,”

“We never heard his side of it. Just told him to leave. The more I think about the times we would split up his eyes just watching us, wanting to come with us. To not be left alone,” Argued Joe.

“Then he could have asked.”

“Would you ask to go if you felt unwanted?”

“Just because you keep trying to advocate his case doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to pity him. Because what happens when he remembers what he did?”

Nicky was right of course. What would happen if and when Sebastian remembered?

\--

Book in hand Sebastian wandered down into the kitchen where he knew Nicky was preparing dinner. 

“Nicky?”

“What?” 

Wincing at the harsh tone Booker tried again. “I picked this up for you the other day, Ralph Waldo Emerson, I know he’s one of your favorites,” He set the book on the table, allowing it to make a soft sound so Nicky knew it was there. He went unacknowledged. “Will you please talk to me? You’ve barely spoken to me since we got here. If there is something I did that I forgot I’m sorry. But I can’t make it right if you don’t tell me what it is I did,”

Nicky stabbed his knife into the wooden cutting board before turning on Booker, his face covering a number of emotions. “What you did, nearly destroyed us! You betrayed us like the fucking coward you are and you think saying sorry is going to fix everything. Every pound of flesh that demented bitch took from us I should cut out of you. If you want to die so badly, do so on your own terms but do not drag us down with you,”

Upstairs Joe had been helping Andy when they heard Nicky’s raised voice and ran downstairs. By the time they got down, it was too late, Nicky had said what he needed to say and Booker was walking out the door. 

“Nicky?” Andy’s eyes search his.

Now that he’d said his piece Nicky seemed to deflate as all the anger he was holding in left him now that he’d said. “I know, I know,” Pushing past Joe Nicky left the kitchen to go sulk in the privacy of their bedroom. Joe had always said his anger was dangerous. It brewed until it boiled over, and today was that point.

“I’ll go see if I can find Sebastian,” Joe took off after him. Getting outside Joe could see Booker’s retreating form speeding away on his motorcycle. 

Walking back into the house he shook his head, “He’s already, off, no idea where he would go out here.”

“We’ll wait, see if he comes back. If he’s not back by tonight, we’ll call Copley,” The former goddess pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. This was not what they needed right now. Joe snatched the book from the table to take upstairs with him. Tossing it on the bed beside Nicky.

“He gives you a gift and you yell at him,”

Green eyes glared at him, “He tried to apologize. He doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for,” Joe watched the tension bleed out of his soulmate’s shoulders. 

Where had they lost him? “I used to call him Libretto, do you remember?” 

“I do,”

Sighing the former priest replied, “Why did I ever stop?” They failed him, just as much as he failed them. 

When Nile returned a few hours later she could tell something in the house was off. “What the fuck happened?” she demanded seeing Nicky, Joe, and Andy at the kitchen table. 

“A few things happened,” Andy could feel another migraine coming on. 

“Booker knows he betrayed us, I’m the one that said he did,” Confessed Nicky. 

“He’s also been dreaming about the whole thing, only he never put two and two together. The pieces are there he just doesn’t know it yet,"”

Therapy, that's what they all fucking needed. “So why aren’t you out looking for him?”

Andy stood up, “This isn’t an area we visit often. Last time we were here was around 10 years ago. He doesn’t have his phone, so no contact. He wouldn’t hide anywhere obvious for us to find him. If he doesn’t come back by tonight we’ll call Copley,” 

“Andy also informed us that you think he’s depressed,”

The young immortal’s eyes narrowed, “I don’t think, I know he is. He has enough reasons to be. Not like dreaming of a drowning woman for 200 years is going to make living any better. I know you’re trying to avoid what’s happened to him from happening to me,”

The Scythian's eyes met hers in a wave of emotions. The look on Joe’s face she’d seen that first night in the church. Nile understood why Booker started to lie, to see that kind of pain and knowing you couldn’t change the outcome. 

\--

He answered on the third ring, “Hello?”

“Hello Mr. Copley, this is Dr. Delia Chloros, you sent a colleague of yours Mr. Gardener to use for a few head scans a few days ago,”

“Ah yes, what were you able to find out?”

“Well since we were not able to get in touch with him I wanted to inform you he should see a neurosurgeon. His scans revealed shards of bone left in his frontal lobe. Whatever head injury caused the shards to be there has healed, however, where the shards have wedged themselves is the issue. They are what is affecting Mr. Gardener’s memory because they’re located in that frontal lobe,”

“Thank you, Doctor, would you be able to forward to the scans so I can pass them to him once he arrives?”

“Absolutely, I’ll have them out to you by the end of the day,”

He wasn’t expecting the second phone call to come from Nile that evening, “What can I do for you, Ms. Freeman?”

“Booker’s missing. Some things were said, no one is proud of what they did, but we can’t track him because he doesn’t have his phone or laptop, he just left. We waited a few hours hoping he would return on his own and he hasn’t,”

“I’ll find him. I will report back once I have,”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: suicide is referenced in this chapter.

Copley frowned as he slapped his laptop shut. Booker would have been wiser to him now that he knew what the man could do but after a week he had yet to find him. 

When the phone shook him out of his thoughts Copley became very much aware of the time.

“Who is this?”

“I know the results are in, I want to know what they are,”

“Booker. Where are you,”

“It doesn’t matter,” he replied. “What I want to know what the doctor said,”

“Shards of bone in the section of the brain that affects memory. Now tell me where you are at least give me that much the others are wor--” He was met with a dial tone. 

Looking around him Booker dropped a few notes on the counter before taking the phone into the back alley to smash it. 

\--

Nile sat up with a jolt. Sand, sun, and air. “She’s free,” Getting up she kicked off the covers to badge into Andy’s room waking the slumbering warrior up. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Quynh’s free. She’s free, she woke up on a beach, but she’s free,”

Andy had imagined what she would do if she ever found out that Quynh was free. How she would jump right in to go to her. Andy never imagined that she would be stuck in place like this. The news she'd been wanting to hear for 500 years and she couldn't move.

“Andy, did you hear me?”

“Get the boys up, we need to pack, call Copley.” 

\--

Sebastian's head throbbed as he came to. Memories of the lab, their escape, his exile, being home again, and Quynh, drowning. Guilt and sadness washed over Sebastian as he peeled himself out of the bloodstained bathtub. 

Tears stung his eyes as he turned on the water and stripped his clothing to get clean. Sebastian was sure he’d died on the floor of his bedroom from the amount of alcohol he consumed that first night. 

\--

They’d found Quynh sleeping under the brush on a beach in Spain. So many years of dying over and over and over again left the woman so exhausted she could do little more than sleep. Copley found them a house in Madrid they could stay in for a while that was more up-to-date than the little cottage that Joe and Nicky owned. 

After helping Andy and Nile get Quynh settled for the night he went to join Joe in their room. Walking in Nicolo found his heart staring at the wall. “Staring at it will not change the color, My Love,” 

Turning his head Yusef huffed as the corner of his mouth turned up a bit, “No, I was thinking,”

“Tell me what you were thinking about, perhaps I could offer you a point you are not seeing,” He wiggled into his pajama bottoms. 

“I was thinking about Booker, his betrayal, our capture,” He was cut off by a sigh from his love. 

“What’s done is done and that’s the end of it,” dismissed the Genoan. They’d not heard from Booker in over months. Copley informed them that he’d heard from him a week after he left but nothing more. He hasn’t even found him, so wherever Booker is hiding he made sure to do so well. Not even the promise of no longer dreaming of Quynh had lured him out.

“That’s what I thought too. What doesn’t make sense to me is why did Booker go to Copley, and not search out Merrick directly? Why did Copley track our lives as much as he did?”

Nicky was ready to argue that it should be left alone, but centuries of communication had Nicolo listen to what his husband was saying to him. His Yusef had a point. The research, their partnership, everything about the pair of them working together. “Missing puzzle pieces,” the shorter man replied. So blinded by anger and hurt they didn't think twice to question how their partnership came to be.

“Tomorrow morning I’ll head to see Copley,” They’d been so blinded by their anger that they never even gave him a chance to explain it. 

\--

The following morning before any of his sisters could wake, Joe kissed Nicky good-bye and set out on his own. Two days later he arrived at the empty house of James Copley. Not knowing how long it would before he returned Joe let himself in and made himself comfortable.

When Copley returned home shopping in hand he heard the soft sound of his tv. He’d left it off and he was sure of it. Putting the bags down he instead produced the gun he kept on the first level before creeping upstairs. Who he found surprised him and without his other. “Joe?”

“I see you’ve come home,” he replied. 

Lowering the gun Copley moved into the room this time letting his guard down. “What are you doing here? Where are the others?”

“It’s just me, I came to talk to you about a few things,”

Copley had a sinking feeling in his stomach. “What do you want to know,”

“Booker’s always been miserable to some degree, that much we knew. Sometimes my brother is a hard man to love and we overlooked things, we see that now. For him to be so deep in that he sold us all out is just a little too far gone from him. What doesn’t make sense is why he sought you out,”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Copley spoke up, “He didn’t, I found him,”

“From the beginning, because what you say next determines what happens to you,” 

Copley offered Joe his seat again, “I got your information from a colleague at the time that I contacted you for that first mission. They said contact went through a man named Booker. I was given an old grainy picture of him but it was him. Then I heard about another mission you did and they caught another picture of all of you and I saw Booker and thought either he doesn’t age, or the resemblance is strong. You did the mission and gave me the results. I started to look into it more wanting to have you work for us a bit more, but my wife got sick. I left it alone and focused on her. When she died I thought back to how you didn’t seem to age how he didn’t seem to age and I started digging. The more I looked the more I found. I traced you all back. With him being the youngest I found records, I really wanted Andy. She was the oldest of you, I wanted to know how she did it, what caused it, what was stopping her or any of you from aging. Since Booker was the only one I could trace back with any proof. Birth, marriage, and death certificates from his wife and children I started with him. That's how I found out his son died from cancer,”

Cutting him off Joe growled softly, “That’s how you preyed on him. You used what would hit him closest to home,”

“Yes,” James admitted. “I went to him at first, suggesting that something more could come from your immortality. Booker told me to fuck off but not before making sure he drove that lesson home. Booker only spared me because I was grieving. I left it for a little while and then went back. I told him what if there was the chance to help people, to save them from that kind of pain and disease, that he could be that key. I brought up how Merrick’s company had done well at treating it but that what you have could eradicate it and so many other illnesses. Booker thought that maybe if the why could be figured out then there was a way to undo it. I was wrong, I know that now, it wa--”

Cutting the man off, Joe asked, “Sudan. What happened in Sudan?”

“Sudan was supposed to be a way to collect samples, but you destroyed that chance when you took out the men that were sent. Merrick had already seen my research, then I presented him the footage, Merrick was only interested in Andy. He wanted to know how, why her, why you. Merrick didn’t care about what you did with it, only what he could do with it. The rest of you were never supposed to get hurt past Sudan,”

“But you went along with it,”

“I was along with it until I realized how cruel he was willing to be. Keeping you caged up forever was never part of the plan, but after Sudan, I knew you wouldn’t come willingly for samples. I didn’t know Merrick was sadistic enough to do what he did until he did it. That was never what I had in mind, not when I saw how your missions helped and saved people and that were benefiting from that alone. Everything went too far, too fast. Your gift to the world is everything that you have been doing,”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I wanted to tell you. Booker told me I shouldn’t, that this was the price to pay and if 100 years was the sentence then he would serve it. He called me after you left him by the Thames before you reached me. Andy told me to keep tabs on him, so I did. Booker regrets letting it get that far. We both did but he was going to do his time and I was going to do mine as your liaison for not doing better in vetting a company,”

“Where is he?”

“I’m not sure. The last possible hit I got for him was in Turkey a few weeks ago. He’s moving to stay out of sight. I think if anyone is going to find him at this point, it would be you, you know him,”

But he didn’t know him. Who knows what secret places Booker had stashed away in the world? 

“I’m watching you, betray us and I’ll see you again.”


	9. Chapter 9

“So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to find him. I’m bringing Sebastian home,” declared the Tunisian. “I think there has been enough suffering and loneliness. It’s time he felt the love we claim to have for him,”

Even though he could not see his husband he could imagine the look on his face, “I know you love him. It’s in your eyes just as much as it is in mine. I think when he stopped calling him Libretto was when he realized he may not be open to those advances,”

“You know me all too well. Bring him home, 

“I will,”

\--

On his third nightly call with Nicky Joe sighed, I still haven’t found him. But I have a feeling he’s hiding in plain sight,”

“You don’t really think he would go back to Paris, do you?”

“Not Paris, Marseilles,” 

Nicky mused, “To return to one's original home,” 

“I’ll call you soon,”

“You’d better,” 

\--

Using an old photo of Booker he showed it to a few people around town asking if they had seen him. When the search seemed too wide he narrowed it down to the bars. He found one hole in the wall kind of spot in a rougher area of the city. He was there, a table in the corner, a glass, and a bottle beside him. Through his mind dozens of memories of seeing Sebastian like that in various places around the world and through the years. 

He cleared the length of the bar with ease to slip into the booth in front of him. “Time to go home,”

Sebastian's head snapped up at such a force Yusef was worried he’d hurt himself. The blue eyes clouded with drunkenness but full of recognition at the man before him. Nodding Joe stood to guide Booker out of his seat and down the street to head on home.

Reaching the apartment the pair almost fell as they made it through the door due to Booker’s alcohol heavy limbs. So many times they’d done this awkward dance. 

“How’d you find me? Not supposed to see you again, not for a long time,”

“Enough of that, drink this,” He managed to get him a glass of water. Sebastian allowed Joe to tip the glass to his lips while he took greedy sips. 

“Why did you never say anything?” the elder asked. 

“What would that have changed, Joe?” The Frenchman countered.

“You wouldn’t have had to carry that by yourself. We could have tried to find ways to make it better, to try harder to help you. I’m sorry we made you feel like you couldn’t be honest enough with us to tell us this,”

“Not like I ever made it simple,” 

“No, but that is who you are. Sometimes you are a hard man to love, Sebastian, but we love you all the same,”

“You keep using my name,”

“It’s your name, you should hear it. I think you’ve forgotten who you are. You came to us and it was Le Livre, then Booker. There has always been a wall up with you, we tried to break it every so often. Libretto, do you remember when Nicky would call you that?”

Sebastian did remember when he would hear that from Nicky. So often after a mission, especially if he died. Touches would linger, a hand on his shoulder or one at his back. The blankets that would sometimes appear over him when he fell asleep where he shouldn’t. Joe's warm hands brought him out of his thoughts as the hands guided him to look up and meet his eyes. 

“To bed, we’ll talk in the morning,”

Sebastian couldn’t argue with him, he felt tired and heavy and let himself be put to bed for once instead of finding his incredibly uncomfortable couch.

\--

Joe must have heard him before he saw him that next morning. Opening his eyes he could see the other watching him from the doorway. 

“I remember it,”

“You remember our conversation?”

“I do as well as the last few weeks and Merrick. Everything I was missing,” 

“How?”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to,”

Joe could only guess what might have happened for him to get his memory back. Sitting on the edge of the bed Joe rested his hand over one of the strong legs giving it a squeeze of assurance. “I spoke with Copley, he told me what happened, what went wrong. We never gave you a chance because of how angry we were--”

“That was my own fault,"

“Whatever fault it was, we should have tried harder because you were never meant to feel so alone that you wanted to die,”

Chewing the inside of his cheek Booker confessed, “I begged to live in Russia you know. When we were freezing and hungry I begged god then that I would see my family again. I wanted to die an old man in his bed with his family beside him. Then they hung me and I woke up on that rope and it felt like a curse. I watched them die and my son cursed me. I wanted to make it right, I thought perhaps I could make up for what I hadn’t been able to do,”

“You’re a god-fearing man and never told Nico?”

“You weren’t there the night I was out in a storm cursing his name and got struck by lightning,” the left corner of his mouth twitching upward, a glimmer of humor in his eyes.

Taking his brother’s hand, Joe held it in his own, giving it a squeeze. “Come home,”

“I still have 99 years,” 

Shaking his Joe took the blonde’s face in his hands again, “Not anymore. You’re coming home with me. You belong with us,” Unable to contain himself any longer Joe pressed his forehead to Sebastian’s. At first, Sebastian seemed to fight it, wanting to pull away until he stopped himself, it was time to stop hiding. Shifting in just the slightest Joe pressed a feather-light kiss to chapped lips. “Time to go home, Bas, they’re waiting for you and Nicky is waiting for us,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I know y'all are mad.


	10. Chapter 10

It was late by the time the pair reached their current safe house. Joe hadn’t told Sebastian that Quynh was free, or that she was here with them. Even though she was free the damage had been done, he only saw her as a drowning woman. 

Booker felt his heart leap into his throat again.

“We’re home,”

Nicky appeared from the kitchen, Nile not far behind him as she found herself lingering in the doorway while Nicky launched himself into Joe’s arms. 

Nile could see how Booker stood at the door, looking at most frozen in place. Crossing the room she gave him a hug of her own telling him to drop his bag and stay for a while. Andy was the next to appear, coming to give Booker a hug to welcome him back. 

“Oh Book, why didn’t you tell us?”

“I couldn’t take hurting you anymore. I saw the looks on your faces every time it hurt me. Hurt even more after Jean-Pierre. I felt so useless, I didn’t want to be useless, I tried to make myself useful to you so you would keep me around,”

“Book, I never meant to have put that on you,” Even if she hadn’t done so verbally. “I’m sorry,”

A new voice joined theirs with a simple greeting, “Hello Little Brother,”

His blue eyes looked the woman overhead to toe taking in the sight of her. Until today he’d never seen her face like this. This calm, composed, and polite-looking woman. He remembered the screaming, drowning, angry woman. 

“Book?” Andy had pulled away to make space.

“You can’t be here, you didn’t get out,” he denied the sight of her. Was he dreaming? Had it come that far that he was dreaming of it all finally ending. 

Stepping forward Quynh reached out to take his hand in her own showing him that she was flesh and blood. “It’s over now,” Giving his hand a squeeze the smaller woman wrapped her arms around his neck. Wrapping his arms around her Booker held on tightly, fearing that she would disappear at any moment as tears rolled down his cheeks.   
He held onto her for a long while, before finally letting go.

Nicky’s hand found the small of his back, “Go rest, I’ll come to get you when dinner is ready, after we can talk,” 

While Booker felt his heart wanting to leap from his chest he still nodded before collecting his bag and going to get settled in the last empty room.

Nicky focused his attention on Joe giving his mate a knowing look. There was going to be some much-needed conversation and ground rules. They had to make this right. Once dinner was finished up Nicky did as he said he would, only he found himself staring at the sleeping figure.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him sleep like that,” Nicky remarked. Looking over his shoulder Nile looked confused. She’d come to collect Nicky for dinner after he’d been away too long.

“So he’s sleeping on his front, not that unusual,” she shook her head. 

“Sebastian’s never slept like that, not with us. He’s always slept on his back or sitting up. He never looked very comfortable when he slept, though it was just whatever he was holding in, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him sleep on his side. I never realized how much Quynh affected him,”

Nicky walked away from the door to let his younger brother sleep. Chasing after him Nile stopped him, “These aren’t things you can keep blaming yourself for if you want to help him,”

Nicky pushed his hands through his hair. “We were detached. By the time we found Andy and Quynh we’d been immortal for nearly 50 years. I don't remember what that kind of grief felt like, even with Quynh. We were sad we lost a sister but even that felt more like a drop in the bucket compared to what Booker says he feels. Even with Andy, we’ve seen her through the years, she’s always been strong,” 

“He’s going to need help dealing with it, he’s never truly grieved and you’ll have to help him. We all will, because let's face it, something needs to change.”

Nicky Knew that Nile was right. Going back downstairs for dinner he set a plate aside for Booker while the rest of them enjoyed their meal. Andy shot him a look but he only shook his head. One simple word in another language only they could know told Andy what she needed to know. 

\--

He stretched a bit, sinking more into that warmth he found himself surrounded in. As he moved he started to take notice that he wasn’t alone. Part of him wished everything had been a dream but as he opened his eyes he could see Nicky quietly watching him. The more aware he became felt the hand at his hip. Looking over his shoulder confirmed that it was none other but Joe. He never thought he would find himself here again.

“Sleep well?”

His brows knit together for a moment. He did sleep well. Sebastian didn’t have a single dream and at first, it scared him, but he knows that Quynh is free, he met her, hugged her, and cried into her shoulder.

“I did,”

“Good,” Nicky reached up to cup his scruffy cheek, Nicky’s blue eyes watching as Booker pressed into it. “Thank you for my book, it looks very nice bound in new leather, you did a wonderful job,”

“Thank you,” 

“Oh Libretto, you are complicated and simple all at once. We love you, in more than than one, but loving you has never been made easier,”

He wasn’t sure where to start, Nicky wasn’t poetic like Joe. He could say the right thing at the right time and make it sound grand, that wasn’t Nicky. Nicky got tongue-tied and it wasn’t fair because he wanted to talk to Booker. Tell him that they did have a love for him. More than just brothers, but not quite lovers. The want was there if they could give it the time they needed for it to grow. 

“What Nicky is trying to say is, will you give us a chance to know you as we know each other?” Joe’s sleep-roughened voice asked as his hand tightened around him.

“Come with us, to Malta. Just the three of us, give us a chance to mend the cracks, if not for love then at the very least for our friendship. That has suffered over the years and should be repaired as well,”

Feeling Joe’s lips against the shell of his ear Booker shivered as he spoke, “Will you come with us?”

“Yes,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make a longer fic but decided that I would make a part two instead. Stick around folks. 
> 
> Thank you all who read, enjoyed, commented, and sent kudos for this fic.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been bouncing this idea around for a little while so we shall see what happens. 
> 
> Comments and kudos fuel my lack of sleep writing.


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